Men vs. Dogs

Will almost definitely be offensive to men. Could be offensive to dogs.

1 . How Dogs and Men Are the Same
** Both take up too much space on the bed.
** Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
** Both are threatened by their own kind.
** Both mark their territory.
** Both are bad at asking you questions.
** Neither tells you what's bothering them.
** The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
** Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
** Neither does any dishes.
** Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
** Both like dominance games.
** Both are suspicious of the postman.
** Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
** Neither understands what you see in cats.

2.How Dogs Are Better Than Men
** Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
** Dogs miss you when you're gone.
** Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
** Dogs don't criticize your friends.
** Dogs admit when they're jealous.
** Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
** Dogs do not play games with you--except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
** Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
** You can train a dog.
** Dogs are easy to buy for.
** You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
** The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
** Dogs understand what no means.
** Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
** Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
** Dogs admit it when they're lost.
** Dogs are color blind.
** Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
** Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

3. Where Dogs Fall Down
** Men only have two feet that track in mud.
** Men can buy you presents.
** Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
** Men are a little bit more subtle.
** Men don't eat turds on the sly.
** Dogs have dog breath all the time.
** Men can do math stuff.
** Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
** It's fun to dry off a wet man.